Ever reflect on your relationships and how they come and go? People you think are your friends slowly or abruptly disengage into the void of I used to know her. I was scrolling through my contact list on my phone deciding to keep or delete. As I deleted more people than I have left in my contact list, I wondered about how close I was at some point to most and now nothing. Kind of a sad part of reality. Even on Facebook, there is a happy birthday here and there or a like to a picture or a post, but nothing of substance. I could go years and never see the person again in real life. I am not talking about family or friends that are out of state. I am talking about people you have worked together or went to church with for years. Your families grew up together and today you find yourself deleting them from your contact list.
I can understand how a person’s circle of support can get less and less until it might just end up being you alone, isolated, and I am sure very unhappy. Not sure why these thoughts have infiltrated my mind. Maybe it is because I have started to cut my own ties. Remove myself from circles of people. An example is I will not be in the group text of what was once my work family. That has been a very busy part of my life for years. My phone is much more silent now as it is, so as school gets closer to starting a bit of feeling left out even though I do not want to be in that work anymore, but the connection to those people is what I will miss.
I am not depressed about the changes going on in my life, but it does make you pause and reflect on what makes a friendship so strong when you are co-workers, but not after you are no longer working together. Why make a friendship with someone you went to church with, ate lunch, did activities; but then one changes churches and the friendship is over. Are relationships built based on the place and not the people? Where in my mind it should be the other way around.
As I usually do, I went and read about this mental block I am having a hard time to dismiss. So here is what I have surmised:
Work friendships:
-they often fade because they are largely situational (I guess I was onto something)
-when you stop working together you no longer share the same daily environment, mutual complaints, and casual interactions
-it require a lot of extra effort to coordinate time to see each other
-LOL, there is no longer a “trauma-bond” that happens through shared stressors, like a tough boss or difficult projects
-nothing to talk about once no longer working together
-you were only “surface-level” friends so you both no longer feel the need to invest your free time with each other (harsh)
Church friendships:
-the strongest bonds involve deeper connection that is rooted in mutual interests or shared life experiences (I kinda get the no bonding work split-but I thought this would be harder to do)
-But if one moves their roots to another church then the bonds of connection are severed (guess you go to lunch, participate in activities, etc…of that church)
-we were “convenience friendships” rather than “intentional friendships” (also harsh)
Unpacking all this has helped me wrap my mind around what is happening to me right now. Maybe it will help you if you are experiencing the same. I say go ahead and clean out your contact list and stop trying to figure it all out. Okay, maybe I will just take my own advice.
Proverbs 18: 24 speaks of a friend who “sticks closer than a brother.” So, if you have just one of those then you are blessed. Guess who I might be pointing to? It means that no matter what you are going through, God’s love and presence are always with you. This is a bond that can never be broken.
-Unlike human friends who might get busy, move away, or let you down, God’s unconditional love never stops.
-You can talk to God anytime–even when you are just thinking silently in your head as He is always listening.
-Think of God as a loyal companion who walks beside you through every happy and sad moment like a constant guide through life.
This means you are never truly alone, even when it feels like nobody else understands what you are going through.
I heard this song and it just reflected everything I was questioning. Side note, I used to give cards and these little statues that had “Let Go, Let God” on them. I was told later in life that I scared people off because of my God thing. LOL, so enjoy these lyrics as I must have come full circle.
God Bless,
dreamsdontfade.com (checkout my blog-The fallacies of Social Justice by Thomas Sowell-notes updated)
This song is Let Go Let God by Jack Cassidy
My fear got me struck down
Got me knocked out
By the hands of the enemy
Those lies had me held down
'Til I found out that is not my identity
I found my life when I laid it down
And all my hope is in You, now
My faith is in You Jesus
I'm learning to let go and let God
Show me how to be me
I'm learning to let go and let God
Show me how to be free
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SJ97-_v5U4&list=RD7SJ97-_v5U4&start_radio=1