When is it time to stop using a tragedy, loss, hurt, anxiety, or depression as an excuse to move on with life? I am asking because it seems we have a generation of young people whose parents allow their teens or soon to be adults to sit and wallow in it. I don’t downplay pain, but if your child can never move out of it then how can he/she truly overcome the adversity or build resilience skills because no one can live in this state forever. Or if allowed to then what a miserable way to live out a life.
Here are two examples to put this in perspective:
-A senior in high school’s father passed away in her freshman year. Tragic and yes the loss does stay with you the rest of your life, but the loss has stopped this student from earning any credits to graduate from high school. Every time anyone reaches out to mom she shuts it down with her daughter losing her father is the issue of all her problems and therefore she should have no consequences. Mom is constantly asking we just pass her because her dad died. What an isolated existence for both the student and mom. Now she is not graduating from high school and will hopefully move on to adult education, but for 4 years many have tried to help them both move forward, but even today. Mom responded that she is not graduating because she can’t handle that her father died.
-A senior in high school who had dealt with anxiety and depression since middle school. She had a bad experience and has never recovered. The parents have tiptoed around this student for years. Now soon to be an adult cannot be told she is not going to graduate because of the families choices of not making her do school work to earn credits to graduate. They didn’t want her in electives that would make her feel bad. She could only work in the middle of the night so she couldn’t attend class during the day. They wanted the school to not count attendance against her. So we didn’t. She still didn’t do anything in any class for years. The student has never once been part of the conferences. I never spoke directly to the student. They basically begged to give her credits for basically hiding in her room for like 6 years as she refuses to leave it. This young adult has no coping skills and the parents just make excuses as to why she doesn’t. She can’t have any kind of disappointment that must be avoided and she must not know about it if it is bad news that affects her. Well, consequences are here as she will not be graduating and will need to move on to adult education if she ever comes out of her room and works toward earning her high school diploma.
Emotions can be loud, brash and disruptive but they are not bad. They’re actually God-given and for a purpose. Emotions alert us to what’s happening around us and how we’re relating to it. Stifling, ignoring, or stuffing away those feelings will only teach our kids that it’s bad to be connected to the people and circumstances that surround them. Instead of reinforcing this harmful way of thinking, we can teach our kids to see their emotions as a fork in the road.
My prayer is they realize that wallowing in misery is no way to be day in and day out. I guess I have to assume that these families do not have faith. They must not have a relationship with Jesus who is bigger than their painful experiences or any circumstances. Jesus: there to help heal and overcome to be able to live a fulfilling life through all the impossible, all the never will be, all the I can never measure up, and all the darkness and pity parties that can become debilitating. He has overcome so we can teach our kids that they too can overcome.
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (Romans 5: 3-5).
Teaching our kids that Jesus cares about the brokenhearted:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalms 34: 18).
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit” (Psalms 147: 3-5).
Teaching our kids that is is okay to move on:
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43: 2).
All of Psalms 91 is a powerful chapter. All that God can do if you let Him:
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.
Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
I hope if you are stuck that these scriptures will encourage your heart as you journey toward healing from trauma. My prayer is that young minds, hearts, and souls get washed over with recovery and restoration.
dreamsdontfade.com
The words in this song are so pleading. When He called, did you answer?
The noise of life grows loud and strong
It fills the empty space
But in the silence of your heart
A voice still calls your name
Through every hour
Through every year
My voice has called your name
But you were lost within the world
And would not hear my call again
Father called but you did not answer
I knocked but you did not hear
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kV4UGiiWLQ&list=RD8kV4UGiiWLQ&start_radio=1