Hope is defined as wanting something to happen or to be the case. Then when that hope is dashed it can make you feel disappointed, discouraged, heartsick, or even lead to grief. It can also lead to becoming aggravated, frustration, anger, or even lead to great bitterness. I get it all. I have been going through these roller coaster of emotions the past 2 years trying to get answers to why the sinus infection just keeps returning boring a hole into my brain while pulsating so hard it feels like my eye socket is going to explode. After the last surgery, I was elated to finally hope this was the last of this vicious journey. Nope, the weeks have turned into another infection.
So, now the doctor is sending my alien form of bacterial infection to a lab that grows it in a petri dish and then tests which anti-biotic or whatever kills off mutated gook. I imagine the scene in Alien when the pod is closed and then it slowly opens, jumps out, and attaches itself to the guy's helmet. Scary on all levels when I was a kid. That is what I envision happening behind my right eye when I just can’t take the solar flares of pain anymore. Another round of antibiotics while I wait and dare to hope this lab will be able to find the answer to finally heal. I am so over this.
To get up everyday and push forward is not easy, but you have to keep living. My hope was to feel amazing to be able to tackle all the engagements I have planned along with keeping up with the demands of work. To my great dismay, that is not the case. But, I say no to crawling into a hole hoping to feel better. I am going to live. I heard it is mind over matter, but I think it is more than just willpower. It is the heart and mind over the physical body. Not sure why but all this has brought up thoughts of one of my favorite poets.
I taught this poem, “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening,” by Robert Frost to my students, but I don’t think I even understood it until lately as I reflect on the word which ends with the iconic lines: "The woods are lovely, dark and deep, / But I have promises to keep, / And miles to go before I sleep, / And miles to go before I sleep". These lines signify life's obligations and journey before rest, a common theme of responsibilities, duties, and commitments. A sense of perseverance to overcome all obstacles to reach the satisfaction of the journey being over.
Robert Frost also wrote the poem called “The Road Not Taken.” "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— / I took the one less traveled by, / And that has made all the difference". This one can be read by someone making a decision on which way to go. Taking the easy way is not always the best way to go. Or a reflection of one’s life looking back on the journey. The hard road can be more satisfying in the end.
Not sure why these popped in my head except that being sick can certainly make you reflect on so many things in my own life. Thank God that I have been blessed with 54 years so far and I pray for many more to come even with the frustration of needing medical healing in a big way. But so do many others who are way worse than me. I lift us all up in prayer for healing not just in our physical bodies, but in our hearts, minds, and souls.
We are only here for a blip of time on this Earth, but what a joy it will be to be in heaven where there will be no pain or suffering. May peace wrap around you like a warm blanket comforting you in a way that there is no other way to explain it but that it is from God in all His mercy.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God" (2 Corinthians 1: 3-4).
Psalm 28:7, which states, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me".
Blessings,
dreamsdontfade.com
Here is a song to remind you that Jesus is “More Than Able.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKIZFnODbb4&list=RDqKIZFnODbb4&start_radio=1