I took last week off to catch up on some reading and writing. I seem to add to my busyness of life by enrolling in an 8-week Biblical Citizenship class that started last Thursday. It is profound to say the least. I take a lot of notes, so once I unscramble them then I will post each week notes up with the highlights and link if you are interested in taking the online class. This past Thursday there was so much information I just bought the books so I will put the links to those books if interested as well.
I heard a song and it just hit home as I am opening up this manuscript up to some rewriting. Then there is a huge But in my head. Just mentioning this manuscript causes some anxiety. Had a call this week that just shook my confidence. What do you do when the people in your life drag you back so deep into your past that thinking you moved bast the guilt and lack of self-worth? Easier to close the door and put the manuscript back in the drawer to collect dust. Or when others warp your memories, and you begin to second guess yourself. I find myself pulling through my own memories, my story, my personal life story, my statement of faith, and my testimony.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4: 12-13).
The song is “He Believes in You.” I am not sure I have ever had someone look me in the eye and say, “I believe in you.” But as I read through a few more chapters I am onto my 3rd miracle. See, in our escape from that little town in Texas we reunited back in Las Vegas. The drinking and darkness didn’t flee but just went leveled up. He took us. Me and my brother were missing. Not sure for how many days. In my vision is a water tower. I knew my uncle lived near a water tower so I thought about running to get help for us, but I didn’t. Even though I was a kid I still get a twinge of guilt that I didn’t get away and save us from a lot of pain. The trauma I endured while we were missing I will leave in the chapters of my book. In this miracle, God led us back home. There is no logical reason for us to be returned, but like a light switch he took us to my aunt’s house. The aftermath is a different miracle, but in my memory, I see a vivid switch of feeling like I would never go home to the door opening releasing me into the safety of my family. To preview, miracle 4 is in my physical healing and the day I met Jesus in the water. Recovery from trauma is not anything I would wish on another person, but hopefully my story you to can recover and come to true healing inside and out.
You know what I have learned is that even in my humanness who wants to be believed and to have the feeling of being believed in I found Jesus does. He believes in me. I lay what I write, say, and feel at the foot of the cross because I know that true safety comes with a relationship with Jesus. I ask if I am ready to finish my book. Am I ready to reopen old wounds? Does he believe I can conquer this mountain? When in doubt I cling to some reassuring words from the apostle Paul.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4: 8-9).
I was told an analogy once of my approach to God. I am standing in front of the door to God’s house and I knock, but before God opens the door I run and hide in the bushes. He told me the house represented the heart of God and my hiding was my fear of taking my heart to God to enter into a personal relationship with Him. My heart yearning to enter God’s heart, but fear keeping me hidden in the bushes. He knows I am there, and he answers every time I knock. He patiently waits for me to be ready to receive his invitation to enter the heart of His home. Took me many years, but when I finally did enter all my fears of him reprimanding, shaming, or being angry at me melted away in the warmth of His home. In that moment it was like a dream as I imagine there are two rocking chairs in front of the crackling blaze in the fireplace. As He motioned for me to sit, no words spoken but a mental, emotional, and spiritual shift. As I watch the flames flicker, I just have a sense of peace. All the bad stuff being burnt up and swiftly being swept up the chimney. Even though I can’t see Him I do hear his voice telling me that “I believe in you.” I know God spoke those words to my heart so as I listened to this song all I could think about was the moment my heart truly made the special connection to His heart.
He Believes in You by Danny Gokey:
When you feel like you can't get through
He is there with you in the water
And He believes in you
When you're lost and you're broken hearted
When your shame is an open wound
He is holding you at your darkest
And He believes in you
The One who took the cross for you
He believes in you
He wouldn't put you through the fire
If He couldn't take you higher
Prayers we all overcome, defeat our demons, get the negativity out of heads, and make a heart connection with God. Prayers for those dealing with tornados and other circumstances out of our control. May the peace and love for us be what we offer to others every day.
God Bless You,