Confession, I am out of character. When a non-believer tells me this is out of your character it touches the recesses of my mind, heart, and soul. God reminded me at church I am allowing myself to get swept up in behaviors that do not reflect Jesus. If my character reflects Jesus then I know I am in sync with Him. I had to ask for forgiveness and just be honest and up front with grumblings instead of on the sidelines which is outside of my character. Just know even as believers our humanness can take the front seat in our faith and behavior. I will be more forthright from today on. I know God has forgiven me and I just need to stop behavior that is out of my character. I don’t want to lead anyone astray when my behavior doesn’t match my beliefs.
“To answer before listening - that is a folly and sham” (Proverbs 18:13).
The sermon today was about how we are all broken vessels and when we feel the most broken we think God is far away, but that is when He is closest. We just choose not to feel Him walking with us through our circumstances. I can relate as I distance myself and avoid Him the first 2 weeks of August even when I know better.
August is not my favorite month. In my conversation in my car, I share that death is a loss that stays with you. I read from Greg Laurie’s book that he feels loss everyday with the loss of his son. Loss just doesn’t go away, but lingers with you daily. You choose not to allow loss to take over your life, but you live on. I share about the loss of my daughter who died of SIDS and my best friend's death by suicide. I also share a friend’s loss of a brother due to an overdose. Tragedy and loss are a part of life but we don’t have to like it.
A person on facebook posted this and I think it sums up the feeling of loss.
“I can’t wrap my head around the fact that it has been 10 years. 10 years since my world was shattered. 10 years since a part of me was lost. I hate what this date is a reminder of…….”
I participated in communion this Sunday and I learned something new. So, Jesus observed the Passover meal with his disciples for 3 years. 3 is a symbol of completion in the Bible which is very interesting as the last and final Passover meal. What I learned was that during the Passover tradition the family didn’t leave their homes in observance of when the Jews were told to put blood on their doors and death would bypass their homes during the time when God told Moses to free His people from Egypt. So, Jesus tells his disciples to go for a walk to the Mnt. of Olives. They broke tradition as they trusted Jesus to have their best interests at heart. They loved Jesus so much they left their home to follow him. Just a fascinating fact to learn.
Another point in church today was the mention that the event that changed Saul into the Apostle Paul we read about in the New Testament. Saul hated Christians and tried to kill them all, but in one moment Saul’s life changed forever. Saul watched the stoning death of Stephen. At the end of Stephen’s death he used Jesus’ words, “forgive them for they not what they do.” Stephen's death saved Saul's soul. He soon became the Apostle Paul.
The pastor asked today, “when death comes are you ready to greet it?”
Thinking about loss, being saved, and contemplating that question; so I sat with my son to ask him his thoughts about being left behind. We talked about what life would be like if Christians were taken from society. And what life would be like if you become a believer once the tribulation period happens. As evil as the world is today, I just can’t imagine how bad it will be during those times.
Prayers for the times you are out of character. Prayers for those dealing with loss. Prayers for healing in every aspect of our lives. Know you are not alone.
This song I send to my friend who knows who you are. I know this song will hit home for a lot of people.
I just need one more night
My heart's broken inside
Losing you feels like I lost me
So many nights I'd stay up and cry
Wishing you were by my side
You said you'd never leave
(You said you'd never leave