Can a person have a food addiction and an eating disorder or does it have to be one or the other? In my opinion, I believe that they intertwine. The disorder part is the warped view i have of my body so purging keeps me from gaining any more weight. The addiction is the part of my mind and body that craves food. The planning and desire to eat food that I know are not good for me.

Once addicted, it’s hard to say “no.” The body craves foods that are harmful. Every time I tried to eat healthy the cravings would get worse to the point I couldn’t sleep, I would find myself up in the middle of the night going through several drive-throughs to make the cravings stop, but then I would feel guilty. Purging would make the pain of my stomach ache go away along with provide relief that I would not gain any weight. I would promise that I would not give in tomorrow, but with each day I failed.

I was Desperate everyday to stop, so I sought  hope in diet programs, stimulants, weight-loss drugs, hypnosis, plastic wraps, creams, vibration machines, liposuction, breakfast shakes, exercise, breathing techniques,  and electric muscle stimulation. (Just more band-aids.)

All of these techniques failed because they did not relieve the aching of my soul crying for food to soothe the pain.

Overcoming my addiction to food while overcoming my eating disorder meant I had to honestly evaluate my decisions and actions,. I had to face the sobering realization that my emotions is in the driver’s seat. My feelings compelled me to act. When they become uncontrollable, they are defined as compulsive, obsessive or addictive behavior.

I wrote this book to encourage those struggling with food addiction. I still struggle on a daily basis not to allow my cravings for food to turn into a binge. Food no longer defines me. Like in the show “The Biggest Loser,” it is not just the weight change, but a mind, heart, and soul change that must happen to truly be free from fearing food.

Excerpt from Fat Haters Club

It is interesting to note that some days only one binge and purge activity will satisfy me and I will be fine the rest of the night. On other days, I keep repeating the process two, three, or even four times in one day. It makes no sense, because I get weak and my blood-sugar plummets, my whole body shakes, and the muscles in my stomach cramp. I heard it said that a thought cannot hurt you or that it is normal to daydream, but in my case that is how a binge begins, with a thought, and the outcome is the purge. How do I feel about myself? Every morning I get up and tell myself that today is the day that I will stop. I cover my yellow skin with make-up and try to hide the dark circles under my eyes that seem to become more prominent. Lotion does not stop the flaking of my skin. My hair loss makes me sad, but each day I fail. Now I just feel trapped in a perpetual cycle that is my nightmare. I resist, give in, feel guilty, then vow to stop until the cycle starts over again

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I know that people and numerous therapists say that it is a disorder and I agree, but part of it is like an addiction. I have withdrawal feelings when I can’t get through the day without binging and purging. I miss it. It is like a piece of me gone if I do not purge. How do I live without it? It is my friend and the only thing that I know is what I am feeling and how much I need food to make things better. I wonder if it is a control issue. Is it self-loathing? I think for each person it is different and a variety of reasons and choices lead to this type of self-destruction. For me it started in high school and I never in a million years thought I would end up like this.

Read Fat Haters Club and see if Heather was able to overcome her eating disorder. Also see if her friends, Rosemary, Cindy, and Lisa can conquer their own food demons…..

Tanya Attebery